Troian Bellisario shares graphic details about anorexia battle: 'It nearly killed me'

Joanna Estrada
July 19, 2017

You are not enough.

While Feed is not a biographical story for Bellisario, it is a deeply personal story for her as it helped her explain her own struggles with anorexia with her family.

"That part of my brain is my disease, and there was a time when it had absolute authority over me", she wrote.

She went on to write, "It nearly killed me, and you can see that even though I have lived in recovery for ten years now, it still finds loads of fun, insidious ways to thwart me to this day". Mental illness and eating disorders are incredibly isolating, and we applaud Troian for using her voice as an advocate for those out there struggling with similar issues. Troian describes her daily struggle, saying, "The voice of my disease is with me everyday". She writes: "I started to panic: Everyone is going to think I'm a diva, that I can't hack it, that I'm a disgusting actor, and they'll never want to work with me again". "I'm still denying my body the one thing it is asking me to do: take care of it", she wrote. "There's a lot of misrepresentation or miscommunication about this mental illness and eating disorders in general so I wanted to present a different narrative and hopefully challenge people's conceived notions about it".

Troian also wrote, produced, and starred in the newly released film, "Feed" about a young woman who starves herself as a way of coping with her twin brother's death.

The actress also opens up about her eating disorder.

If you or someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder, the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline is available Monday-Thursday from 9 9 p.m. ET, and Friday from 9 5 p.m. ET. Bellisario opened up about her experience writing Feed to a small audience of 125 fans after screening the movie (the first time she watched it with an audience) at Instagram LA on Tuesday night, hosted by Bustle. "It is my greatest hope that someone watching it, struggling with the same challenges I do, might think, 'What if I were enough, too?'"

Bellisario did not want this film to be a documentary.

Troian and Patrick had a big conversation about it and why it was important for her to do this; to tell her story.

According to Livestrong, the average 19-year-old woman should consume between 1,800 and 2,000 calories per day - almost six times the amount Bellisario was consuming at her lowest.

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